Welcome to Benefits of Bipolar

 

Welcome to Benefits of Bipolar!

    My name is Lee Formella and I am sure that you have deduced by now that I live with bipolar disorder.  I was inspired to share my journey after finally learning more about my diagnosis, what it meant and what life is possible after diagnosis. I readily admit that this took me over two years post diagnosis to be able to really dive in. I didn't want to. I didn't want to face the limitations and the ceiling that seemed too low to put in all the work and effort just to attempt to live a mildly normal life. Then I started meeting and following people who have made the best of their situations and have been brave enough to provide inspiration to the rest of us struggling just to get through every single day. 

    I spent two years working on and finding myself despite, and because of, my diagnosis. I let my diagnosis define and limit me and this really led me to hide and limit my true self from anyone outside of family and close friends. I was also stuck in a sense of unexplainable loneliness despite my family, best friends and wonderful girlfriend staying by my side as support through the cycle of emotions that defines living with  bipolar. I didn't really have anyone to look to for answers on what to expect out of life, how and if it could get any better, how to find my triggers and what, if anything I could do after finding them.  At the heart of it, I just wanted to know how to truly move forward with my life after the diagnosis of a lifelong disorder that requires constant monitoring and attention just to keep my head above water, let alone enjoy.  

    I originally began this post over six months ago. I wasn't ready for it yet, as I was terrified and still too early in my journey. I was doing really well, but I didn't trust myself that I could keep up the "charade".  Well, it turns out those fears were well placed. I did have an amazing summer, too amazing and quite hypomanic as it turns out, and it led to my first major depressive episode since March if not in years. I felt like a complete fraud, so happy that I didn't pursue this earlier. I was not prepared for what happened next.  I felt more ready than ever before to share, because I realized I should not try to hide the ugly, depressed side. That is exactly the part that I should share! 

    Bipolar disorder is a minute to minute battle every day, I am happy I am still here battling even if all I want to do is disappear in my lowest moments. I found out I have nothing to lose and that it is time to share my true odyssey with bipolar II; the amazing progress I have made juxtaposed with the reality of how hard it is to live with every day.  Maybe it can help you or someone you love.   

    Please feel free to respond, comment, or ask any questions. Thank you for reading and I promise to try to make semi-regular posts when I am able! ;)

Lee Formella

Bipolar Survivor   

@benefits_of_bipolar on IG/ Youtube